Soulful poetry published on Medium by Kamarun Kalam -click the link below:
I know that the past few years have been a struggle and I understand how heartbroken you feel sometimes from your destructive thoughts that keep flowing… I know you’ve been living for years in a battle between the most important person in the world, which is you. You have prayed to wake up in a different body, sought therapy and harmed yourself with all the body wraps, the painful fat freezing treatments and all those fat burning pills that made you physically sick. I know you’re sick and tired of spending all that money on those fat burning products, body shapers and loose clothes.
I am here today to ease your pain and tell you that I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to feel like disappearing because you’re so fed up with yourself, to cry from your own emotional abuse and to isolate yourself from the world because spending time with one person (YOU) alone seems suffocating and unbearable, which makes you so frustrated and angry.
The agony is too much and I’m here to tell you the solution is so, very simple;
Love yourself and be confident. Now before you flush this letter down the toilet or slash my tyres, hear me out.
I know you heard this a lot… And I know that you and I are both aware that you deserve to cry from laughter daily, to have a huge smile on your soul and to walk tall with confidence.
This will NEVER happen till YOU make a decision NOW to be kind to yourself and to love every cell of your body from the core of your heart. Remember we live in a world where everything is fake or filtered, you’re not, and that’s what makes you naturally stunning and incredibly breath taking. Don’t allow society’s beauty standards to get to you, because you are a strong woman who has her own voice and opinion.
Don’t listen to anybody like you usually do and don’t allow anyone, including yourself, to do anything but LOVE on YOU. I want you to acknowledge and remind yourself daily of how worthy you are. You are NOT defined by some Instagram body goals picture or anything similar. Purge yourself with content and understand that you can never be happy with someone else if you don’t enjoy the time you spend with yourself.
You have to value yourself enough to the point that a few extra pounds don’t shake you. The only opinion that matters is the reflection you see when you look in the mirror, because that’s who you’re spending the rest of your life with. This is one hell of a long journey, but don’t you dare give up!
Trust me, when you reach that victorious, invincible and empowering position, the last stage, that’s when new thoughts, feelings and beliefs will be created and become habitual. Nothing and no one will have the power to take that away from you, and that’s how you become legendary.
Lots of love,
Your Higher Self
Out with the old and in with the new is how the saying goes, but how can this be applied to oneself? A new year means new beginnings and fresh starts, but also a time for reflection on past events. Consider the following points:
There is so much to reflect on outside of ourselves that when it comes to thinking about what we actually want and how we have developed as people over the past year its often overlooked. Other things take precedence and we carry on living, working, existing day to day. How many of us stop to take time and reflect on the present. To appreciate what we do have and share our gratitude. Can we learn from past mistakes and let go of disappointments and regret? Do we dare to liberate ourselves from the inner critic that is ever present within us just waiting for us to lose hope and belittle us some more.
What we need is compassion and to forgive ourselves, not succumb to the pressure of negativity and reach out for support when we need it. One of the most courageous things we will ever do is to face our fears, acknowledge our reality and embrace change if thats what it takes to become the best version of ourselves.
With everything going on in our lives it’s important to make time for reflection. Consider the past years events- take what you need to move forwards and let go of what holds you back. Think carefully about what it is that YOU want in life and don’t short change yourself. With the right mindset anything is possible.
Just remember to take care of yourself along the way because when you take time to replenish your own spirit you have that much more to give others in need. Be the best person to yourself first and foremost and then to others.
Peace and good will to all.
This is a topic that many people shy away from and feel uncomfortable talking about for various reasons. For some it’s a painful reminder of something someone they love may have committed. For others it’s a topic that leaves little space for discussion as often there are more questions than answers for those left behind. The truth of the matter is that we just don’t understand it and don’t know what to say when trying to console people affected by this.
That does not mean that we should avoid, ignore or desist from trying to learn, understand and educate ourselves about this serious matter. Taking one’s own life is not an easy thing to do, in fact the survival instinct built into each one of us often makes it the most difficult thing to act on. In order to better understand this it is important to dispel some common myths, such as “The people who talk about it don’t do it. “ Research has shown that in a high proportion of cases, people did things in the weeks prior to their death to show others how distressed or in despair they felt. So if you know anybody expressing such feelings or talking about feeling suicidal they may need immediate attention, help and support. What often starts out as a cry for help can develop into more serious mental health issues so its essential people are offered appropriate support as they need it. We are all unique individuals and as such each of us have different ways of coping in life. For some life can be become so overwhelmingly difficult that their ability to cope and resilience is overshadowed by their pain and suffering.
Another myth is “If a someone is going to kill themselves, nothing can stop them.” What the person wants is for the pain and suffering to end, part of them wants to live but the other part wants the pain to go away. With the right love, support, care and help from others at the time it’s most needed many do not act on their impulses. If you know somebody expressing feelings of a suicidal nature- Be present, listen and really hear what they are saying. Don’t rush in with advice or feel you have to ‘say the right thing’ there is no set way to respond, as long as you show in your voice, body and tone attentiveness, warmth, care and understanding that will be conveyed to the person and they will feel your support without words. They will have chosen you to confide in because they trust you and feel safe with you. No matter how negative the person feels the fact they are choosing to talk about it is a positive thing and it releases some of the pain. We need to be willing to offer help sooner rather than later. If however the person is acutely suicidal then do not leave them alone unsupervised, stay with them and seek professional help.
To help identify when a person may feel suicidal see the warning signs list below courtesy of https://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm
Conditions associated with increased risk of suicide
Emotional and behavioural changes associated with suicide
What You Can Do To Help
The most important pain-coping resource is the help of a trained mental health professional. A person who feels suicidal should get help, and get it sooner rather than later. Also seek medical advice from a GP. If you are struggling with this issue you can use the list below to access support.
Helplines and support groups (listed on www.nhs.uk)
Talking to someone you trust
If you don’t want to speak to someone on a helpline, you could talk to:
Seeing your GP
Your GP may be able to help you with access to talking therapies. Talking therapies, such as counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), are often used to help people who have suicidal thoughts and usually involve talking about your feelings with a professional.
Helping your child
If you are concerned your child may be feeling suicidal or is self-harming, the following advice may help:
Use the contact form below if you need any help or support around this.
[contact-form][contact-field label=”Name” type=”name” /][contact-field label=”Email” type=”email” /][contact-field label=”Website” type=”url” /][contact-field label=”Comment” type=”textarea” required=”1″ /][/contact-form]
It can mean different things to different people, so for the purposes of this article I will offer the dictionary definition:
“Consciousness is the state of being aware of and responsive to one’s surroundings.”
This means that we use our sensory perception to know and recognise things. Our sight, smell, and touch all work together when we are consciously aware. In effect we all have two parts to ourselves the conscious and the unconscious self. So if being conscious means being aware, the opposite would be true when describing the word ‘unconscious’, not being aware.
To highlight this point lets explore a learning theory. Basically when we study or learn new skills we go through the following 4 stages of learning:
1. unconscious incompetence
2. conscious incompetence
3. conscious competence
4. unconscious competence
So an example we can use to illustrate the above in simple terms could be as follows.
A learner driver has Unconscious Incompetence when taking their first lesson as they do not know how to drive having never driven before.
After a few lessons they move to the Conscious incompetence stage- they realise or are conscious of how little they know as they continue to learn and practice driving.
Nearer to the time of their driving test after many lessons they become consciously competent as they have learned the skill of driving but are not fully aware of their ability hoping that they are skilled enough to pass their driving test.
Lets say this person then goes on to pass their driving test and has been driving for a few months- they move into the unconscious competence level. This is where they become so competent they no longer have to think about what they are doing when driving as it becomes second nature. The term ‘autopilot’ comes to mind. Have you ever got in to your car to go somewhere and arrived quickly without realising how you got there? Thats the brain performing at an unconsciously competent level allowing your conscious brain to attend to more pressing thoughts and leaving the body and unconscious mind to do the driving.
People can become conscious of unconscious things. For instance in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the brain has a habit of pattern matching- it puts together sensory evidence of the original trauma. So if during the original trauma eg. Being mugged- a car had been driving past at the time beeping its horn or a cat had been mewing in the background then in the event of these things occurring again at a later date a person suffering with PTSD could find that each time those sensory things are present they act as a trigger and can cause them to become traumatised again. This is because the brain pattern matched the original trauma to the current day event due to the similarities in sensory evidence between both events creating anxiety and triggering the flight or fight mechanism.
This in turn heightens the anxiety and can cause a physical reaction as well as have a psychological and emotional impact. Constantly living in the fight or flight mode is exhausting for anybody and it is in understanding how this works and why we are stuck in these patterns that will eventually free us to change our patterns of behaviour and think/act differently in the moment.
The past does not have to define our future but in some cases it can and does. It is our conscious mind that collects good and bad habits as we repeat them over time. Conditioning our brains to act, think and behave in certain ways. These things can be changed with conscious effort, time and awareness. Being mindful is one way of challenging our negative processes. Mindfulness is attentive practice and it can help if we engage in at least 10 minutes daily mindfulness practice which is to sit and reflect on the day and be here and now in the present.
Being mindful is about teaching your subconscious how to function. Try practicing being present and mindful for just 30 seconds. Focus on what you are doing in this present moment-notice with all of your senses of sight, smell, hearing and touch the moment you are in right now- really focus on the present and notice your breathing. What do you see, smell, hear? How do you feel?
The truth is that you cannot be constantly mindful or present that is difficult but you can have flashes and moments of it. Be mindful of your present task, think of thoughts as a dandelion – once blown they scatter in the wind blowing around silently in the background. To be mindful you could choose one of those flying pieces (thoughts) to focus on and be mindful about.
So moving forwards how do you get motivated in a moment?
Well there are five specific questions that you can apply to any scenario in order to plan ahead:
1. What would you like to have happen in your life?
2. What would need to happen for those things to be achieved?
3. Is there anything else that needs to happen?
4. Can you do what needs to happen?
5. Will you do what needs to happen?
Activities like this can help you get un-stuck and move ahead in life.