Category: Counselling in Birmingham UK

Beautiful Quotes

Welcome When reading quotes our hearts feel moved and inspired, our souls connect with the words written and our minds capture the beautiful imagery within the meanings. Much of this motivates and encourages change within us that empowers us to become the best possible version of ourselves. To become our true authentic selves.

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The I In Me – Who Am I Anyway?

Welcome The I In Me – Who Am I Anyway? By Kamarun Kalam. Talkwell Counselling Service Self Help Book on Amazon offering advice, quotes exercises to raise self awareness, happiness, love and acceptance. Hello everyone just a quick update to say I recently published a self help workbook to support you with information around identity, personality and understanding who you are better. It is packed full of therapeutic insights, quotes, activities, soul searching questions and much more! Amazon link for Ebook: http://The ‘I’ In Me: “Who Am I Anyway?” by Amazon Media EU  S.à r.l. Learn more: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08DKZLQYW/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_3hviFbZPSAXBJ Amazon link for paperback: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08DBYPZ6R/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_ilviFb54TGQZC Here’s a sneak preview at the opening introduction: “Who died and made someone else the boss of you?” Trying to be someone you are not just to keep another person in your life really doesn’t pay; you end up getting used or growing resentful, then eventually you lose yourself in the process. Takers take and givers give. Which one are you? Come to think of it, do you even know who you are? I mean, really know? If I was to ask you right now on the spot, “Who are you?” I bet you would reel off

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Patience & Gratitude

Being Patient and Grateful improves mental health Its not often we stop to reflect on our blessings and show gratitude. As a species we have evolved into very busy beings, and with such little time for contemplation we have lost patience with ourselves and others. I would like to take this opportunity to invite you to stop, and just be. Seriously just sit for a minute -don’t do anything and try to think about one thing you are grateful for in your life. Got it? Ok now think about one thing you could do for someone else that would make them happy. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture it could be a smile, running an errand or visiting for a chat. The idea is that you appreciate what you do have instead of focussing on what you don’t have.  Also to carry out an act of service for another person encourages connection, love and warmth. We are all in need of a bit of love, care and belonging to feel human. Accepting who we are and being accepting of others is key to a more satisfying life. Nobody is perfect but we can all be our own kind

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Future Dreams

What do you dream of for your future? Retiring early? Travelling the world? Downsizing your home and moving to the countryside or near the sea to live in a cute bungalow? Have you stopped to consider how your life might look in the future or are you just trudging through each day just getting by? It’s useful to visualise yourself in the future and see what you want it to look like as you then train your mind, plans, thoughts and actions to meet that desired need. Almost like training your brain to think and act in order to achieve that goal. So what are you waiting for? Create your own vision board either via scrapbooking images and words about what you want to happen in your life or via a digital slideshow of images and words to reinforce your wishes to the universe and to yourself🤗  

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Letter to self…by anonymous client

Dear Me, I know that the past few years have been a struggle and I understand how heartbroken you feel sometimes from your destructive thoughts that keep flowing… I know you’ve been living for years in a battle between the most important person in the world, which is you. You have prayed to wake up in a different body, sought therapy and harmed yourself with all the body wraps, the painful fat freezing treatments and all those fat burning pills that made you physically sick. I know you’re sick and tired of spending all that money on those fat burning products, body shapers and loose clothes. I am here today to ease your pain and tell you that I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to feel like disappearing because you’re so fed up with yourself, to cry from your own emotional abuse and to isolate yourself from the world because spending time with one person (YOU) alone seems suffocating and unbearable, which makes you so frustrated and angry. The agony is too much and I’m here to tell you the solution is so, very simple; Love yourself and be confident. Now before you flush this letter down the

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New Beginnings

Out with the old and in with the new is how the saying goes, but how can this be applied to oneself? A new year means new beginnings and fresh starts, but also a time for reflection on past events. Consider the following points: What went well over the past year? Any memorable moments? What times could we do with forgetting? Do we have regrets? Have we lost loved ones? Ended or begun new relationships? Changed careers/lost or started a new job? There is so much to reflect on outside of ourselves that when it comes to thinking about what we actually want and how we have developed as people over the past year its often overlooked. Other things take precedence and we carry on living, working, existing day to day. How many of us stop to take time and reflect on the present. To appreciate what we do have and share our gratitude. Can we learn from past mistakes and let go of disappointments and regret? Do we dare to liberate ourselves from the inner critic that is ever present within us just waiting for us to lose hope and belittle us some more. What we need is compassion and

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Suicide

This is a topic that many people shy away from and feel uncomfortable talking about for various reasons. For some it’s a painful reminder of something someone they love may have committed. For others it’s a topic that leaves little space for discussion as often there are more questions than answers for those left behind. The truth of the matter is that we just don’t understand it and don’t know what to say when trying to console people affected by this. That does not mean that we should avoid, ignore or desist from trying to learn, understand and educate ourselves about this serious matter. Taking one’s own life is not an easy thing to do, in fact the survival instinct built into each one of us often makes it the most difficult thing to act on. In order to better understand this it is important to dispel some common myths, such as “The people who talk about it don’t do it. “ Research has shown that in a high proportion of cases, people did things in the weeks prior to their death to show others how distressed or in despair they felt. So if you know anybody expressing such feelings or talking

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Consciousness

What comes to mind when you hear the word Consciousness? Does it conjure up images of the brain, or a mystical spiritual energy? It can mean different things to different people, so for the purposes of this article I will offer the dictionary definition: “Consciousness is the state of being aware of and responsive to one’s surroundings.” This means that we use our sensory perception to know and recognise things. Our sight, smell, and touch all work together when we are consciously aware. In effect we all have two parts to ourselves the conscious and the unconscious self. So if being conscious means being aware, the opposite would be true when describing the word ‘unconscious’, not being aware.  To highlight this point lets explore a learning theory. Basically when we study or learn new skills we go through the following 4 stages of learning: 1. unconscious incompetence 2. conscious incompetence  3. conscious competence  4. unconscious competence So an example we can use to illustrate the above in simple terms could be as follows. A learner driver has Unconscious Incompetence when taking their first lesson as they do not know how to drive having never driven before. After a few lessons

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Diseases of the Heart

Diseases can manifest at two levels within our heart. The more commonly attributed diseases cause a malfunction within the physical muscle and ailments often require medical intervention. I am not a doctor. The diseases that I am concerned with cause malfunction at a non-tangible level; within our spiritual heart. I believe that all humans have a natural inclination to do good, and it’s when we go against this nature that we cause ourselves emotional and psychological distress. How we do this is by lying cheating, stealing, backbiting and causing upset to others. It hurts our soul and can create sickness in the spiritual heart. This can cause us to feel uneasy and not at peace with ourselves. Often such feelings can overwhelm us and develop into psychological conditions including stress, anxiety and depression. The ‘7 deadly sins’. Everybody can relate to these and each one can cause physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual distress to individuals engaging in them. Lets examine each one in relation to the self: 1 Gluttony-excess in eating and drinking/overconsumption What is your vice? Chocolate? Cigarettes? Drugs? Food? Alcohol? We all have something in this we can relate to, examine what your vice of choice is and

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The Secrets of Body Language

Did you know that upon first meeting a person you form a judgment of them within the first 30 seconds? This means that first impressions are important, particularly for job interview situations. However when discussing body language it is important to recognise the person as a whole and take into account the environment and situation. There are also various types of signs such as: The voice (tone, rhythm, volume) Mimicry (Everything that occurs on the face) The pose (posture) The gestures (body language) The distance (remoteness between people) Social Signs (clothing and cosmetics) The Skin (physical contact) Automatic signs (Physiological reactions) According to research only 7% of human communication is verbal. 93% of what we communicate with others is nonverbal. How amazing is that? Mastering the art of reading body langauge can be powerfully insightful and increase your awareness of self and others in an exponential way. Every moment you spend with others can be valuable whether thats in a business meeting, socially with freinds and family or around strangers in social functions. Every moment you spend with others can be enriching. Before I go any further though I must explain that body lagnauge can often be complex and easily

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Personal Power

If I was to ask you here and now- “Do you feel you have power in your life?” How would you answer? What do you think of when the term ‘power’ is used? Is it a positive or negative feeling for you? What experiences of power have influenced your life? Do you see power as a destructive abusive force, or a strong and positive force for good? Our personal experiences of power will often dictate how we feel about it. For instance a child growing up in an environment of domestic abuse may associate power as a negative term as the abuser was powerful over others. In contrast a child who grew up in a family wherein choice was offered and they were consulted during decision making for family affairs may feel power is a positive force. It nurtured their ability to feel valued, important and ‘powerful’ having their voice heard by the adults around them. Power means different things to different people and can be interpreted in various ways. For the purposes of this article I am exploring the concept of ‘Personal Power.’ What is personal power? The definition can vary from person to person but the basic premise

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Mindfulness

What is this new mindfulness malarkey I hear you ask, it seems to be everywhere at the moment. To help grasp what it’s all about I will attempt to uncover the veil of mystery that surrounds mindfulness. It is a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, whilst calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. It can be used as a therapeutic technique. Oringinally a Bhuddist concept it has been embraced by all as a potential source of calm and quiet that can be learned, taught and practiced. From reading around the subject it appears Mindfulness is about remembering oneself – being in the moment and appreciating ourselves, beauty and nature around us. Being aware and conscious or ‘mindful’ of the environment we live in, being mindful of ourselves of nature and of one another. It’s a pretty simple technique when you take away all of the jargon it is effectively about being in the here and now feeling present and trying to focus on oneself. To be still and pause life’s distractions and meditate on what it is to be you. Tuning in to your inner self to become aware of your

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Conquering The Assassin Within

Have you ever wondered why sometimes you just cant get that critical voice out of your head. Y’know the one that tells you how useless you are and how you will never get anywhere in life? Somebody once described it as having their own inner assassin that would murder any positive thoughts he had and replace them with doubt and fear of failure. This would prevent him from trying new things and forming new relationships. So who is this assassin, and what are they repeatedly whispering to you? To understand this concept and break it down we need to identify what messages were passed on to us through significant people in our lives growing up like parents, teachers, siblings etc. Were they positive or negative? What impact did they have on us as children that have left a lasting imprint in our hearts and minds? Also we need to examine what we think of ourselves, do we like who we are, or are there aspects of ourselves that we dislike and if so how does this manifest itself. It feels as if I have been writing a series of questions without providing any answers to help understand the issue. So

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25 Tips for Couples in Relationships

1. Build a friendship with your spouse, re-connect. Try to remember what drew you both together in the first place. 2. Conflict resolution- try to communicate without blaming, or harsh words. Listen to each others perspectives be open and accept your own part in the dispute. 3. Try to avoid fights by nipping things in the bud as they arise not let them fester and grow bigger.  4. What to do after a fight- what is your pattern? Do you sulk, give each other the cold shoulder? Apologise and make up, or carry on as if nothing happened after some time apart? Explore what works for your relationship try talking about it when not in argument during a time of calm to decide what techniques work best. 5. Try to connect with your spouse emotionally and physically talk about happy memories and focus on hopes for the future. Show affection in gestures, through small gifts and kind words to one another and commit to fulfilling each others sexually. Share your likes and dislikes- get to know each other properly. 6. Remember men are more visually stimulated and women are more emotionally driven- this is not to say the opposite isn’t

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Stop..Think..Reflect..Act

Do you ever feel like life is just passing you by, that you are living day to day going through the same routine not really thinking about the past, present or future? Just getting through the daily drudge of life not having time for self reflection or self care, just existing and paying bills. Going to work or looking after the family- whatever it is that you do on a day-to-day basis life just goes on and you are not fully present in mind, body and spirit because things are so hectic. You just race from one task to another trying to fit it all in until life becomes overwhelmingly busy and difficult to keep up with. Until one day you realise how out of touch you are with yourself and other people. Who are you anyway? What is it that you wanted to achieve in life? Have you ever stopped to think about the quality of your life? Your work/home life balance, your achievements, your ambitions and aspirations. How many people really stop, think and reflect on things like that on a day-to-day basis? My challenge to you is that you press pause on your life for at least

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Diary of Mr ‘Anonymous’ in Therapy

Below is the diary of a man we shall refer to as ‘Mr Anonymous’ as he has offered to share with you lovely people his journey through therapy so far, he has given me express permission and signed consent to share this information in the hope that it inspires and encourages others to reach out for therapy if they need it. Mr Anonymous wanted me to share excerpts from his own therapy diary which details a refreshingly honest and open account of the process of change he went through. Issues I chose to address How I was before Starting Therapy Mid -Therapy Learning Moving Forwards Talk too much Felt the need to talk a lot- to be noticed, to be the joker, friendly, be seen as likeable and accepted. It was the only way to get noticed as a child by my busy father. Discussed painful challenge from peers about talking too much, airspace, felt my mother haunting me. She always said I talked too much. Brought hurt to surface and I went silent withdrew. Reflected on my childhood and history of relating to others. Worked hard to achieve a balance. Embraced the challenge and balance of speaking, listening and

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I Hate My Body…

Poor body image is fast becoming an issue across the globe especially with the younger generation. In this modern era of technology, focus on body image and selfies it’s no wonder we can get hung up on how we look or how we are perceived by others. The need to belong, dress well, look good and keep up with fashion trends puts many people under pressure financially, socially, emotionally and psychologically. Social media, peer pressure and society at large has showcased what is classed as ‘desirable’ and ‘undesirable’ the concern is how unrealistic some of these expectations are and how difficult it can be to achieve the ‘perfect look’. With airbrushed images in magazines and painfully thin catwalk models photographed to model make up, clothing and perfume it’s easy to become obsessed with how we look in comparison. From researching the topic I have discovered that increasingly men are just as affected by poor body image and the impact is widespread with young men and teenagers feeling inadequate, unattractive and becoming obsessed with going to the gym, following specific diets to boost muscle tone and some resorting to steroid use. All in the name of looking good and feeling socially

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