Category: Mental Health

The I In Me – Who Am I Anyway?

Welcome The I In Me – Who Am I Anyway? By Kamarun Kalam. Talkwell Counselling Service Self Help Book on Amazon offering advice, quotes exercises to raise self awareness, happiness, love and acceptance. Hello everyone just a quick update to say I recently published a self help workbook to support you with information around identity, personality and understanding who you are better. It is packed full of therapeutic insights, quotes, activities, soul searching questions and much more! Amazon link for Ebook: http://The ‘I’ In Me: “Who Am I Anyway?” by Amazon Media EU  S.à r.l. Learn more: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08DKZLQYW/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_3hviFbZPSAXBJ Amazon link for paperback: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08DBYPZ6R/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_ilviFb54TGQZC Here’s a sneak preview at the opening introduction: “Who died and made someone else the boss of you?” Trying to be someone you are not just to keep another person in your life really doesn’t pay; you end up getting used or growing resentful, then eventually you lose yourself in the process. Takers take and givers give. Which one are you? Come to think of it, do you even know who you are? I mean, really know? If I was to ask you right now on the spot, “Who are you?” I bet you would reel off

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Patience & Gratitude

Being Patient and Grateful improves mental health Its not often we stop to reflect on our blessings and show gratitude. As a species we have evolved into very busy beings, and with such little time for contemplation we have lost patience with ourselves and others. I would like to take this opportunity to invite you to stop, and just be. Seriously just sit for a minute -don’t do anything and try to think about one thing you are grateful for in your life. Got it? Ok now think about one thing you could do for someone else that would make them happy. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture it could be a smile, running an errand or visiting for a chat. The idea is that you appreciate what you do have instead of focussing on what you don’t have.  Also to carry out an act of service for another person encourages connection, love and warmth. We are all in need of a bit of love, care and belonging to feel human. Accepting who we are and being accepting of others is key to a more satisfying life. Nobody is perfect but we can all be our own kind

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Future Dreams

What do you dream of for your future? Retiring early? Travelling the world? Downsizing your home and moving to the countryside or near the sea to live in a cute bungalow? Have you stopped to consider how your life might look in the future or are you just trudging through each day just getting by? It’s useful to visualise yourself in the future and see what you want it to look like as you then train your mind, plans, thoughts and actions to meet that desired need. Almost like training your brain to think and act in order to achieve that goal. So what are you waiting for? Create your own vision board either via scrapbooking images and words about what you want to happen in your life or via a digital slideshow of images and words to reinforce your wishes to the universe and to yourself🤗  

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Anger Management

Anger management is a term used to describe the skills you need to recognise that you, or someone else, is becoming angry and take appropriate action to deal with the situation in a positive way. Anger management does not mean internalising or suppressing anger. In today’s society there are so many ways we can lose our temper, a forgotten anniversary, a job loss, road rage, pressures at work, home and in relationships are all things that press that stress button and can turn into anger when things feel out of control. What is important to note is that anger like any other emotion is not bad in and of itself. Anger has its place in the emotional spectrum of life and serves its purpose well when used effectively and in a healthy way. For instance being angry about past childhood abuse and expressing this by picking up the phone and venting to a trusted freind could release repressed anger. Or going to the gym after an argument and exerting yourself physically as a way of releasing negative emotions is a constructive way of managing anger. There are instances when anger is needed for instance in a survival situation, if a

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Couples Counselling

Couple counselling can help by looking at relationship patterns, dynamics and conflicts. By working together, potential areas of difficulties can be identified, explored and addressed to help couples move forward and resolve issues arising that may be causing stress and upset. Couple counselling can be carried out with couples in any kind of relationship: hetero-sexual; homosexual, bi-sexual; transgender; married or co-habiting; separating or divorcing; love marriages and arranged marriages. Essentially it is about finding common ground between two people who care about each other and re-negotiating ways of being with one another to promote a harmonious union. Therapy can support couples to improve how they communicate and offers a safe space for both to feel heard and understood. Issues That Bring People to Couple Counselling Poor communication and problem-solving Repetitive arguments Sexual issues Porn addiction Jealousy An affair Ex partners causing issues Feelings of distance in the relationship Feelings of anger or resentment Managing a separation or divorce Broken trust Differences in parenting style Loss of attraction to partner Poor body image, low self esteem impacting on the relationship Gambling Issues Substance abuse issues Financial stress Loss of respect Domestic or Financial abuse Past childhood sexual abuse Lack of intimacy and other supportive and positive aspects

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Identity Loss

How do you ‘lose’ your identity? Losing your identity can be a long process that occurs over a period of months or years, but can also happen suddenly following a major life event or trauma. Loss of identity can follow various life changes personally and professionally in the workplace. Loss of a job or profession, loss of a significant loved one, such as a child, parent, or spouse. Loss leaves gaps, empty spaces. Such lossess can trigger increased levels of anxiety, low self-worth, depression, isolation and feeling alone, all of which impact on our ability to maintain relationships with other people. Identity can also be lost when merging into a relationship that becomes imbalanced. A healthy relationship offers both partners the opportunity to connect with one another without cutting off the outside world. It promotes reciprocation in respecting the other and maintaining an individual sense of self. We may lose some identity, even in the most healthy of relationships, as we try to adjust our behaviours, and accommodate our partners, to create a dynamic that works for the relationship. There may be some changes in our levels of independence as we lean on our partners or have certain expectations, a

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Bereavement & Loss

Bereavement and loss are often used interchangeably; however it is important to note how each term can mean different things to different people. For example, someone going through a trauma like losing a loved one has suffered a loss and is bereaved. Whereas someone who has lost a job is not bereaved but has suffered a loss. Two very different scenarios. There is a massive difference in the impact and the pain felt in each case however they would both be classed as a loss. It is in understanding the significance and impact of the type of loss a person has suffered that we can only begin to try to understand what it means, so for example losing a spouse or child have different connotations but huge emotional impact for loved ones left behind. For some losing a job could be felt acutely, the key here is to try not to draw comparisons, but to look at things from the other’s perspective. To understand what it means for the individual to have lost a loved one, their job, or a pet, because it would impact each person differently in each unique circumstance. We are all different and in this difference

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The ‘I’ in Me

How often do any of us really sit and reflect on our selves and our lives? “We have no time to- life is so busy” this is often the resounding answer. So what does that mean-The I in me? It refers to the core of ourselves, the innermost hidden parts that we may not even be aware of or that we guard well. There is so much more to us than meets the eye. (Image by Stuart Miles at Freedigitalphotos.net) We are not only defined just by our names, ages and roles we play in life. We are defined by so much more which makes each and every one of us unique. This blog has been designed to make you think, reflect and appreciate the diversity of life within yourselves and others. To really focus on the I inside each of us that is often unheard, forgotten or ignored. We are made up of so many different aspects, and have various selves- our physical, emotional, psychological, intellectual, social, cultural, religious and sexual selves. This is not an exhaustive list there are many other factors that make us unique- our age, gender, class, economic status etc. Our personal experiences in life shape

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Feeling Well

We often hear how important maintaining a sense of well being is, but what does that actually mean in practice? What factors contribute to feeling well? (image by  David Castillo Dominici at freedigitalphotos.net) From researching this topic I have found what I believe to be important factors, in promoting good emotional health and well being. Good family relationships A manageable financial situation A positive work environment Community engagement and a good social network of friends, family and work colleagues. Health – this covers good physical health via eating well, exercising and sleeping enough. Emotional and psychological health via expressing emotions freely amongst trusted freinds and family or via a therapist. Self awareness, self acceptance and valuing oneself. Spiritual health for those who like to feel connected with universal energies, be that via God / organised religion or a belief in nature and appreciation for humanity at its best. Personal freedom – Feeling strong, empowered, liberated and in control of ones life. Personal values –knowing oneself, identifying whats important and striving to achieve it. Resilience and Patience to bear with lifes challenges Continue to stimulate the brain intellectually by learning new things to enhance and enrich your life. Realistically how many of

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